Adjoaskinner’s Weblog

12/22/08

Finding your Lead

“Find your lead” he said to me as sweat dripped off of his forehead.

“Excuse me?” I said as I thought about what foot I was on.

 “This is so stupid I thought to myself” “This is a dance for white people who clap on 1 and 3”  Why can’t they just choreograph ahead of time & then teach us the routine on our own? Or better yet, lets free style individually, I can twirl and shimmy with the best of them if we do that. Who says that I need some guy to lead me around the dance floor, expecting me to follow him through the slight of his hand?

“Find your lead” he repeated, interrupting my thoughts.

“You need to trust me and lean back into my hand so I can lead you” He said.

“Plus you’ll open up the space between us so I can do more with you”…

It seemed so simple when he put it that way. But my fears had kept me staring at my feet so long I was hardly looking for a leader to take me to a new place…I was just trying to get comfortable in the situation I had been placed in…He already had me with 2 other gentlemen before it was my turn to dance with the instructor. I felt like I suddenly had to prove myself and so I tried to act as if I was free and easy to move, but because I distracted with myself I failed to follow what he was doing…or trying to do with me.

“Keep your arm bent and don’t let your shoulder come in. Keep it forward and ridged and find your balance with the rhythm, stay straight and bob up and down, don’t sway…

“Wow I feel so white right now” I thought to myself…

I felt that if it was rigid it meant it was not beautiful, it was not graceful… it was not what I loved about the freedom of dance.

But as learned to trust him more I realized that the rigidity of the dance when put into context actually wasn’t rigid at all.

It was more so that I actually had to learn to be sensitive to my partner and allow him to lead in the way that was most comfortable for him. And once I was comfortable enough to trust him completely…he would go on to lead some of the most free flowing and beautiful moves that came easy and looked effortless.

It was my first swing dancing class. I learned I had to stop trying to learn by feel and control and instead learn to adjust through trusting the instruction of my leader. So that I would become a partner that was a more suitable counterpart for whatever lead I was placed with. Who knew that a simple dancing class would speak to me so much?